Writing this sitting in the company of my mom and dad and already feel so much love flowing through me. I can't pin point when this downward spiral began.
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I'd like to say when I came back from Turkey but I'm not quite sure. I didn't make a big deal out of it because this happens to me every now and then. Being bipolar, I have some high HIGHS, that can last a long time. But I also face low LOWS. I usually sit through it and it shakes off within a week MAX. This time something was different. I was starting each day in LA at 4PM because I loved to be asleep. Reality was too scary and I did not want to face my thoughts. My thoughts were becoming more and more cryptic and dark and I knew I had to do something. I was more alone than ever and was thinking of a way to escape. I thought about the crazy options first and then chose what I should have done from the beginning which is calling my mom and being open with her and telling her I needed her. I needed my family. I needed to feel loved again. LA is great. My career is great. My life has it all. But without my family I am nothing. And I need to fill the hole in me that has been there from the start. Mannnn. I remember making this same video and typing this same thing in 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014 and now. This isn't new and this is going to happen again and again and again until I find the missing piece I've been searching for forever. There's so much more I want to say but I feel like I've said it all before. Many times so I'd rather not. I guess thank you for putting up with me. I hope to go back to LA, happier. Much happier and more content with my life. I won't leave New Jersey until I'm ready. Hope you understand. I love you.